Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Post 3 - Anger & Pride

.... Continued from Post 2


Anger is the irrational in man. Anger does not need logic. Anger is destruction of the other for self. Anger is the admission of one's inability to convince oneself. Anger is the result of shortsightedness. It signifies the indecision within oneself. Anger is all consuming. [Anger is the antithesis of Forgiving]

Anger does not merely mean outward anger but also with one's own-self.  Outward anger, if uncontrolled, is the worst form of anger. It consumes all. It breeds hatred in others. But outward anger, if controlled,   - that means if it is meant to spur someone to work, to rectify someone and does not come from the mind or is rather a showy thing for common good - then it can be a instrument of goodness  (Swami Vivekananda's anger)

But inner anger, of which outward anger is just an outlet, is always uncontrolled. One seething in inner anger always finds reason to be in that anger. He justifies himself for it. Whether it is on the flimsiest of grounds. However, I would like to make clear is that anger, in any form is bad. but anger directed towards oneself and only towards oneself for any bad deed is far superior to any other type of anger.

When we are angry at any other person then we cannot forgive him for any wrong that he may have committed.

But why are we angry ? We are angry  when we feel somebody has wronged us or has wronged some of our principles, and so we feel, there is a necessity for protecting against this [breach].

Why do we feel like protecting or rising against someone ? For he has committed a mistake, according to us, against a principle [or idea] which we love and cannot bear anyone to contradict it.


This simply means that we are proud of ourselves for following that principle, We believe ourselves to be right in following our chosen path whether good or bad that may be. Therefore we justify ourselves for our anger. Anger arises from pride towards ourselves or regarding one's deeds or others deeds. A man can be proud about good things - like when he considers himself as possessing a forgiving, god fearing nature - or about bad things - like when he rejoices when he defeats a rival. Pride, in any form, is the greatest enemy of man. Every selfish action can be found to originate from pride.

For example, A well-off man wants a job for which there are many rivals some of whom are much better candidates than himself. Why ? Simple reason: every man wants to be better off. This is [grounded in] selfishness although at an acceptable level [going by] the present human standards. He either considers himself good for the post or wants to get in by deceit or wants just to try his luck at betterment. All for himself. For pride in oneself, valuing himself to be good while he is not. This is pride. But if he is really fit and he values himself to be fit then he cannot be said to be as proud of himself as the first man because then he is not selfish but is trying to render best service to all concerned. Albeit for monetary consideration but that is our materialism. Annihilation of this pride occurs when he sacrifices this job for another.

From this I want to conclude that this will occur only if we do not strive for any job (or material possession). If we desire anything to be ours, then we have to compete and that regenerates pride in its subtlest form. So to annihilate pride we have to renounce and that means we have to be a sanyasin [monk]. Then only shall we be free of pride and anger. But most of our monks have anger. Although they have renounced by words and deeds, their minds tend towards desire though they control it in its outward form. They are still mortals but at a higher level [development]. From this we cannot conclude that all monks are better than us mortals. Some ordinary mortals are far higher then all modern monks put together. Because monks may be proud of being monks. They may be proud that they have conquered their senses; they may be proud of being compared ( by foolish men) with Ramkrishna, Buddha, Jesus. They might beget the greatest sin by thinking that they are "above" other men, that they are nearer God, that they are great. These sanyasin or monks are manifestations of the lowest form of pride - pride for self.

Why does Pride arise in man ?

Pride comes only when a man has a sense of achievement in relation to the performance of others. Pride comes only when he feels he is "above" at least one man in the world. Pride comes even when a man knows himself to have a thousand evils but also knows or thinks of having even half-a-good. Why ?

[ You can click Anger and Pride for current information ]

.... To be continued Post 4

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Post 2 - Love & Forgiving

.... continued from "Foreword"

Selfless Love
After many experiences and my reactions to certain situations, I find that I want pure, total love - which is impossible to find. I know that total love is impossible but still I need that. And if I ever find something resembling total love then I know that I will respond with that kind of love. Some may call it "chamchagiri" but that word is the one which is not included in my dictionary. When I will give someone my love, it will be in its total form - complete giving. I know that this is unacceptable to many as it seems like swooning over them. Yes, its nature is such but with a great difference. This love arises from - not for the remotest benefit of oneself - but for the opposite person's welfare. And this love means that if that person is helped by your withdrawal, then you must be able to withdraw in one mind and in love, sacrificing that person from your contact, deliberately giving a hateful picture of yourself so that your withdrawal does not hurt that person - although at a tremendous emotional and physical cost, which might even threaten to break you but will not because , remember, God is with you for you are performing a selfless act and even if this act is based on wrong presumptions it will be set right.

All the religious books preach that a selfless action is the greatest one and if one searches one's heart and does some completely selfless action then one comes to know the rising of the heart and the joy it produces. although your heart cries, you are still able to realize the good of the others. That is Love.

Man works for himself. If he loves, he loves for himself only - as a side effect caring for the other.. He loves or cares for the other only as the source which makes him love and gives him love [in return]. He tries to extract all enjoyment never really caring for his other [half]. When he is satisfied, he thinks the other is also (satisfied). Emotion, mind, soul etc. are meaningless to such persons. They are selfish persons although hypocrisy may force them to think  -as well as those around him - that he a ordinary, good, law-abiding, honest, peaceful and loving person.

True, total, pure love is never based on sex. True love can be found even between members of the same gender. Then it is called bosom friendship of the highest nature. When it is between the opposite genders then sex is just merely another vehicle of this eternal love. It is never the chief vehicle. When it is a source of enjoyment, it is degraded. When it is the expression of ultimate faith, loyalty and caring for one's partner, it is at its zenith of glory and purity. When it is degraded, it enslaves the person; when it is pure, it loses its entertainment value, loses much of its significance which has been given to it by man, but gains in glory and is the slave of the  person. When true love does not exist, sex is the chief vehicle of "love". But it is just another vehicle conveying love when love is total.

To me love means forgiving, love means disregarding of self, love is the synonym for worship.

All men who worship love in this way do not find such love. Why ? Because although they might know of the existence of such love but are not worthy of it ( like myself). This love can only be where and when the man has reached a height of greatness - practice of all virtues without the use of one;s will. Even then he might not find a reciprocating love.

If and when such great hearts meet - same gender or opposite - they blossom into love for all and everyone around feels its effect and the bliss of those persons. Lesser persons become jealous or even hate them for this worship-able bond. Even when love is not total, it may still be of a high nature. But then it does not blossom into others, it remains between them. The joy and its greatness is not felt by others. But even this love is hard to find in this world for [most] men are not worthy of this also. Here Forgiveness is also needed. although in a much narrower sense and man does not have even that.


Forgiving is the highest virtue that any man can attain. Forgiving is the father and the guardian of all other virtues. Forgiving is forgetting one's need for the sake of the other. Forgiving is the victory over self. It is not the suppression of self, it is the upliftment of the self. It is the highest throne which the self can attain - a throne when reached does not seem like a throne to the person attaining it.

The practice of forgiving is very unrewarding. People may call it cowardice or weakness. But the man who forgives, only knows the great love in his heart, the fulfillment, the peacefulness and the silent tears of joy and sadness. Again, it could be sometimes harmful to oneself. A man who can forgive in face of one's own disaster is the greatest. But if the other person is actually harmed by one's forgiveness, then he should show him the right way before forgiving. The objective is that the other should not come to harm in any manner.

Why is that all men are not forgiving even when some wish to be forgiving but cannot be when it is needed ?
There are two great hindrances.

..... To be continued in Post 3

Post 1 - Foreword

This piece was written by me in late 1976 / early 1977 at the age of 20 years. The prime purpose was to gather my thoughts on the subject of human being. Before this time, the more I thought on the subject the more confused I tended to become. So I decided to write my thoughts, ponder about it, and then proceed on the basis of some kind of logic created on the foundations of my perceptions of myself as the starting point of my investigation into the self.

I am reproducing it here with minimum editing to preserve my thought train at the time. After I have written this, I will continue to develop / contradict the thought process based on the ensuing 36 years of "wisdom" or lack of it.

I will publish these thoughts  in a series of blog-posts in the same sequence i wrote them originally.

It is meant essentially for my family members to know what the writer used to think when he was quite young, like they are now.

Section Headings have been included now for clarity and were not a part of the original writing.

[ ] brackets signify that the enclosed words are added now for clarifying the meaning and are not a part of the original text.

The Fundamental Question

What is a human being ? This is a very complex problem. By human being, I mean the human mind - the brain and its workings. One has such a ample research material in hand - for I am a human being and so are my near and dears. But still one cant make even a single foolproof basic structure of the brains reactionary capacities.

The best research material is myself. I know what I am. What I do, and what I will do and also what I think I will do but when the particular situation arises, I will not do. So, What am I ?

I am a person who is not sure of myself in anything. I have my outside principles and adhere to them but my "Inside" principles - the path which I should follow whole of my life - are not made. As I am just 20, I dont think this is something unnatural. But still I have been thinking of this for the last 2 years and I am frightened of myself.

... To Continue in next post